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| Photo from the Junia Project |
1. Strive for full equality
Dillon (read: the boyfriend) and I are intentionally being our normal, boring selves this Valentines Day. which includes me, him, fuzzy socks, and Game of Thrones. We're not going out, we're not buying each other gifts, and we aren't setting sexist expectations on what I should receive as a girl or what he should buy as a guy. Is it wrong to celebrate love or an important person in your life? No, of course not. However, the idea that because I am a female means that I deserve gifts, chocolate, or special treatment is an idea spurring from patriarchal ideals, heterosexual traditions, and sexism. Instead of conforming to these gender-based stereotypes, we are choosing to save money, set aside our privilege, and acknowledge each other in ordinary, equal ways rather than me expecting him to set me on a pedestal simply because I'm the girl in this relationship. We're just spending time together, watching our favorite show, and being intentional in setting aside our phones, schedules, and other people, because making time for your favorite person is beautiful time spent, indeed.
2. Be aware of what's "normalized"-and what's not
Society has set up, through years of tradition, patriarchy, and bad advertising what sorts of relationships constitute as "normal", or accepted and what sorts don't. Sadly, this means that days like Valentines Day caters to the people who are straight, heterosexual, privileged, and oftentimes white people, excluding anyone who does not fit such a mold. Love can come in various ways and forms, and as a society we need to be aware and accepting towards lesbians, gays, transgendered peoples, bisexuals, and anyone in between.
Love is more than sex; love is commitment, tears, laughter, hugs, kisses, sacrifice, feelings, thoughts, choices, flesh, bone, emotions, minds, bodies, and much, much more.
Find the people in your life who don't fit the sexualized stereotypes of societal love and celebrate them and their love today.
3. Stop making single people out to be unfortunate, sad, weak, or missing out
Now, I understand the ideas of longing and desire. Wishing for a relationship, to be intimate with someone and to know them inside and out isn't bad or wrong or evil. Desires are normal, and longings are validated and okay. However, there is a difference in idolizing a relationship and yearning to be in one. Being single is a strong and beautiful place to be. You, as a person, are smart and able and wholly your own. You are brave and independent and wild and free. You are a completely put together person, all by yourself. You have potential, you have brains, you have strength. You are much more than a romantic, idealized picture of what society says you need to be.
You are you.
And that's pretty powerful.
4. Set aside privilege and make room for reality
As someone who grew up as a straight, white, middle-class American, I struggle every day with the problems of unequal distribution and unfair wealth that exist all around the world today. Sometimes I feel really awful spending money or wasting food, because most of the world goes without enough money to even have one meal a day. When events like what happened in Ferguson this past year occur, I hate that I'm white, and some days I wish I could just spend all of my time apologizing to those who the world hurts, ostracizes, and demeans.
In essence: the way this world works is just not fair.
We cater to the privileged, we hold white people to no account, and males are esteemed and listened to at levels that oppress anyone who isn't a "manly man". It's sad, it's awful really. Sometimes I don't know how to handle it.
But then I'm reminded that money isn't evil; it's how you use it that matters.
Being white isn't a sin; being racist has to be (but discriminating against other people is a choice).
It's true that not all males are patriarchal; all women are oppressed though, so start listening to the women around you.
This Valentines Day, I want to use my privilege to give other people platforms. Today, I want to be extra aware of the problems created by patriarchy and power struggles: problems like how most girls around the world don't know what Valentines Day is, because they're forced into child marriage or prostitution or sex trafficking-and do we even care at all?
Problems like how same-sex couples aren't catered to or acknowledged, because "real" men are supposed to spend all their money on girls who think they deserve it (and that homeless person you just passed won't even have a meal, much less a box of chocolates).
Problems like how most couples aren't pretty and polished and functional at all. A lot of partners are fighting most days. A lot of women are abused domestically by men. A lot of men feel pressured by monetary expectations, a lot of inter-racial couples are ignored instead of celebrated, and a lot of people are missing loved ones today, because someone passed away or someone should be here or someone messed up and oh no, this baby was unexpected (and now I'm a single mama).
The thing is, romantic love should be celebrated no matter what the day, and it should be celebrated among all sorts of people. Other loves should matter, too: love for self, love for friends, love for family and teachers and siblings and the list goes on and on.
Cherish your loved ones today (and everyday).
But notice the world around you while you're doing it.
Other ways to be a feminist on this patriarchal day include reading about egalitarianism (how to have full equality within relationships), going over to the Junia Project to view their series on weddings, or writing down five things that you like about someone who isn't your romantic partner: be it yourself, your parents, your siblings, your friends, or just anyone else who may not be feeling the love from society today.
P.S.
This is officially my last post on this blog. My new one will come soon-so be sure to journey with me to that space to continue conversations on faith, feminism, and other messy things.
