This morning someone called me mature, and I almost choked on the orange juice I was sipping. Being someone who still purchases Disney coloring books, giggles through Greek class each day, and references Spongebob way too much, mature is the last word I would use to describe me.
Still, there are some days that I have to give in to the fact that I am growing up. When you're a college student living in America, or anywhere I'm sure, growing up is one of those happenings that you don't really have much of a choice in. Life happens and growing up is hardly avoidable, and with each passing day I seem to find myself in the midst of a situation that screams 'grown up!' from every angle. For example, this morning ACU's Graduate School of Theology held a chapel for students and teachers to commune over donuts and coffee, and as I stood with my peers and professors discussing our areas of study and interests all I could think was how paradoxical the entire experience felt. Part of me felt in my element, thriving on the energy around me and enjoying every bit of the theological conversations taking place all around. On the other hand I felt minuscule, incredibly unintelligent in comparison to many around me, most of whom held Ph.D.s and M.A.s., and I also was wishing that I had chosen the chocolate milk, which hardly anyone was drinking, over the orange juice, which almost everyone was drinking.
Surrounded by scholars and theologians, professors and philosophers, I felt like a scholar and a five year old all at the same time.
All throughout the chapel I kept thinking of how thankful I was to be at a university that not only believes in teaching theology to students but believes in teaching theology to female students. They believe in us because they envision us taking what we learn and using it to impact the world for the better, for the sake of Jesus.
It's a beautiful cause, one that I'm grateful to be a part of.
I love being a student, and I respect and look up to my professors because they teach us more than theology-they teach us to live in love, the most vital lesson to learn indeed.
However, if I attend school, acquire degrees, and let it stop there, have I truly gained anything of worth? If I am able to understand Greek and Hebrew but am unable to speak the language of love, how valuable are my studies? If I am able to debate deep theology and understand varying scriptural interpretations, and if I gain the skills to present a moving and passionate sermon but have not love, then what kingdom am I truly living for?
Most importantly for myself, and possibly for you too, is the following question: if I learn much about the Bible, about the Gospel, and about the person of Jesus Christ but fail to share my knowledge with others and utilize my passions and gifts for the sake of love, then what is the point of learning about all of this theology?
It's vital to remember that our schooling is not in vain but rather it is purposeful, meant to be shared and applied and lived out so that other people may come to understand the love of Jesus Christ.
Lastly, at the end of the day, it's all just theology, and though it awakens my passions and intrigues me to no end, theology will never be where my ultimate identity lies.
At some point doctrine becomes futile, and I'm not sure exactly where it's breaking point is-I only know that love overwhelms knowledge in the best way possible.
I've written about this concept (here) in the past, a concept that I like to call 'throwing theology out the door', because sometimes, for the sake of love, that's what we must do: set knowledge aside to make way for the heart of Jesus.
Knowing this helps bring discernment, because we understand that teaching is empty if not done in love. We grasp that the Church is made for unity rather than division, and so we overstep cultural differences or religious preferences in order to preserve relationships. We live out of faith rather than fact, love rather than legalism. We stop correcting people because 'our ideas are better' and start listening to the ideas, opinions, and interpretations of others, because the Spirit humbles us down, molding our hearts to be servants rather than scholars.
Keeping love at the center reminds us that it's really all just play, that Oxford button-downs and classy dresses do not define us.
Because there's a real beauty in living the messy, in embracing the broken lives of ordinary people.
Love reminds us that knowledge is a gift, but it is also fleeting. Love invites us to not merely analyze the text but to engage it, to delve deeper into not simply the historical person of Jesus but the captivating Savior of Christ.
And when we do this, His Spirit overwhelms us to take His love past the boundaries of the academic world, out into the earth where it is not merely discussed or debated but called to be also lived out.
So we can live in this state of mind in which we enjoy our man-made buildings, our safe-havens of scholarly novels and Mac computers, where coffee macchiatos are easily accessible and donuts abound. We can wear our ruffled blouses and ironed ties while we sit around and discuss practical theology, Oxford Annotated Bibles at hand. We can throw our heads back and laugh at the witty comment offered up by the other person, and then in the next moment we can stroke our chins pensively, nodding in agreement or merely loosing ourselves in thought.
Don't get me wrong-dressing up is fun, and there's nothing wrong with intellect or discussion or theories or interpretations.
But it doesn't stop there, because the call to follow Christ means more than simply learning about Him or even merely claiming His name-it means living out said claim.
We can be scholars of the Bible, or we can leave those pretend-games behind and be children of love.
In which, ironically, we find what it truly means to grow up.
