Skin
Who are you?
Think it out, long and hard.
How do you answer that question? What defines you at your core? What makes you up, what's your soul substance? In your very being answer me this: who are you?
Many look at me and see my insides. Those closest to me know me for my excretion, for the sort of person that is produced when I'm around them. They know me as tears and laughter, as pain some days and joy on others.
My friends know my five year old giggles, and my professors know my inquisitive mind.
A groundbreaker. That's what my Nena once named me.
"You're a groundbreaker", she said. "And you always have been".
I'm not really even sure what all that label encompasses, but it sure was empowering to hear. Thanks Nena, I've always wanted to move mountains. I've always wanted to do purposeful, meaningful, beautiful things with this one life that I have.
My parents know my anxiety and the meltdowns that I have over grades.
My sisters know my boy crushes, my feelings and hormones and oh man vulnerability and relationships and all that scary stuff.
These people know my real self, the authentic Lauren through and through.
Who am I?
I am a human being, and I have depth and breath and soul stuff inside of me. I am more than mere body parts; I am flesh and spirit and stories and cells.
Then there are the others.
The ones who look at me and only see skin.
To them I am a temptation, and everything about my outsides are shamed and condemned because I'm "causing men to stumble".
I'm a compilation of eye candy, so be sure to catcall and whistle as I walk past your truck of you and your friends.
I'm a woman. My voice is meaningless, my thoughts trivial.
When many look at me, they only see a body.
And they tie it to my identity.
Lean in close, love. I have words to whisper your way: I am more than the skin on my bones, and the same goes for you. You are more than the anatomy that makes you up. Every person on this earth is defined by so much more than flesh and blood.
Every person is so much more than skin, cells, or sexuality.
We are star stuff and soul spirit and a spectacular sort of substance. Absolutely fantastical. We are image bearers, and we are potential carriers. We are empty jars meant to be filled with virtue and valor and love so sweet. We are meant to be people of character, and our character is meant to define us.
There's a strange misconception among many of us, both in society and in the Church, that anything but our character defines us as people. We reduce ourselves or others down to bodies, sexuality, outward appearances, or reputations among much else. "SKIN", we shout, because skin is what we see. We judge by outward appearances, and I wish we really wouldn't.
It confuses me so, because a body isn't who I am.
A body is what I have.
***
Substance
"Tell me what convinced you to marry that person". How would you respond?
"Because he has a penis, and I don't".
"Because I am a man, and she is, in biological terms, a woman".
We all know these answers wouldn't come from our mouths, yet so often it would seem otherwise because of the views and stances we take when it comes to relationships. We advocate so strongly for a certain type of marriage and forget that when we discuss such topics we are talking about real people. When we discuss marriage and relationships and sexuality and all of those hard things, we are dealing with human beings, not just body parts.
Deep down, I think we know this. I think we just forget. Inside us though we know: we don't love each other because of our skin. We love each other because of our substance. Two people do not commit to each another because they have anatomy that differs. Biology is not the substance of a marriage; relationships are made up of a different kind of magic. They are made up of that soul stuff we were talking about earlier. Relationships are made up of people, and people are compiled of deep, meaningful, purposeful things.
Relationships are complex. They are far less black and white than we make them out to be.
Relationships are hard in all the right ways. They're the scary kind of vulnerable and the exhausting sort of effort. They stretch you in ways that you never would've imagined and they push you to see what sort of person you are when it truly matters most. The path of love, the road of relationships and people and all things togetherness is messy and beautiful and real and raw.
It's "I like you a lot, and can I buy you a drink?"
It's holding your breath to find out what her heart is saying.
It's his voice upon your ears with the best sort of laughter, rising up and out from a deep seated place in response to that story you just told.
It's long drives and secret smiles and weepy nights and happy days.
It's comfortable silence and genuine dialogue and big decisions and the little things, too.
And like, it's skin and sex and all that good stuff.
But it's substance first, because we are more than just bodies.
***
Sexuality
Maybe it's because I have friends who are gay. Maybe it's because my sexuality as a woman has been marginalized and degraded, and I hate seeing that happen to other people too. Maybe it's because I'm a feeler deep down and writing these words has made me weepy several times.
Or maybe it's because Jesus is my hope, and His plan for us all is redemption and restoration and all things light. He is oxygen and sweet relief and satisfactory nutrition for our hungry souls. His love is for us all, whether we are gay or straight or male or female.
He doesn't define us by such labels, because He sees us through a lens that is spirit.
Jesus does not define our identities by our sexuality, and when His gaze falls upon us it is only through a lens of love and hope and sweet kingdom potential.
He pulls a chair out for each of us and invites to sit and eat the the table of grace, the table of communion and fellowship and sweet, sweet unity.
When it comes to marriage, I don't stand against the sacred love that can exist between two people regardless of sex. There are various reasons for why I hold this view, and I want to explore those reasons in a followup post to this one. For now let's rest here: I don't label same-sex marriage as a sin inherently, because to do so is assuming that the reason two people are together is only because they like to have sex. It's assuming that two people cannot love each other for anything other than body parts, and that's incredibly inaccurate and dehumanizing. It also distorts the truth that sin is not about works; sin is a heart problem. We'll talk more about what this means in the coming post, but for now I end it there. I understand that this is controversial and progressive and scary for a lot of people, but take heart, my friend: we will explore those spaces too.
Let's list out those reasons and talk them out. Let's look at them from all angles and dissect them wholly. Let's open up our Bibles and call upon the Spirit. Let's examine the pages and study the words. They may be sending a different message than what we think, than what many of us have heard for so long. Let's keep Jesus at the center, because He's got grand happenings for us. He's got a kingdom waiting, and the doors are wide open. His arms are extended outward with an invitation for us all.
I want to talk about these topics. They are hard and messy and beautiful and worth it. To me, they are incredibly important, because too often do we hurt other people with our views. Too often do we marginalize precious souls because of "biblical truths". Too often do we hold views or take stances on issues when we might not even understand why we do so at all, and this is disheartening because it means that often we are ignorantly harming the lives of other people.
And here's the thing: disagreement is not the issue. People will fall all over the spectrum when it comes to issues of gender and sexuality, but I do not want us to form opinions without analyzing why we have those opinions in the first place. I do not want us to be uninformed people, and I certainly do not want us to be stepping on toes and stomping on feet all for the sake of ideology and legalism and "right living" and proving others wrong.
Especially when we haven't even stepped into the shoes of other people.
And besides, we're called to wash feet. In these conversations, we will keep Jesus at the center (you know me).
No matter where you end up as we finish these conversations, no matter what stance you personally hold when those fires burn out and this campfire comes to an end I hope you remember this: Christ followers are first and foremost feet washers. We are called to humble hearts and grace-filled mindsets and communion dinners with those we otherwise would never break bread with, because the cross is not a power struggle.
The cross is a gathering of sinners, a call for every weary, broken, dried out person to come and find rest, to come and find healing, to come and experience life and restoration and all things empowering, because Jesus has overcome the grave.
He's made us to be victorious. He's made us for resurrection. He's made us to stand strong in the truth of the Gospel.
Which I believe, at it's core, is about humanizing people. It's about breaking the chains of oppression, about setting the captives free. It's about looking into the faces of every single person whether you agree with them or not and speaking life, speaking it out: "You're a beautiful person, and Jesus calls you child".
Oh, how He loves us all.
For more words on such topics, read this post from my friend and fellow blogger Kevin Bain: F-Bombs Part 1: More Than Just a British Cigarette and this overwhelming post to the LGBTQ community from a fantastic writer and twitter friend: A Love Letter From Bethany Suckrow.
