'Sometimes I want to ask God why He allows poverty, famine, and injustice in the world when He could do something about it, but I'm afraid He might just ask me the same thing'.
It's all too easy to blame God for what is wrong in the world, but often we forget that evil is not of Him but rather of Satan-and often even of fallen human beings. His character is to work for the good of those who love Him, because He is good and He loves us, and He has chosen to use people-me and you-to shine His light. I can either resist this or submit-and since He is a good God, it is for my good that I submit. The more like God I become and the more I follow His plan for my life, the more truly myself I become because I am becoming more the way I am created to be. Tonight I'm processing what all the Lord has taught me through prayer, journaling, and blogging, and though I have so much to share, I only want to give a bit of a preview of what the Lord has shown me through this trip to Haiti, easiest most likely in the form of my most recent journal entry:
5/30/13
I am flying back to the United States and my heart is desperately desiring to stay here. As I look out the window at all of the lights on the sides of the mountains that surround Port Au Prince, I think of the villages going without clean water tonight-and every night-and most definitely electricity. I put my fingers on the glass window as if doing so could keep this place and the people from it in my memory, never to fade. I say a silent prayer for Mission of Hope and the work they do in teaching villages self-sustainance and providing education. I think of four-year-old Kienna and try to push away the thought of leaving her behind in a village not completely progressed as others in her community, and in one that is still significantly devoted to the practicing of voodoo in comparison to other surrounding villages who know Jesus. I say a silent prayer for my sweet jewel who stole my heart from the first moment I stepped foot in her village. I'm so thankful she knows Jezi (Jesus) and hope that the remaining voodoo can be cast out of her village soon so that Jesus can reside wholly in her home and in the hearts of her friends and family. My prayer and hope is that she grows up to be a great leader and Christ-follower for her nation.
Yesterday we had worship at the MOH campus and my entire being was overwhelmed by the glory of the Lord. I was reminded of what it is to be a child of the One True King and how it looks to be found only in Him. Haitian or American, we are all created to serve one another in love. We all are made to bring glory to our Dad. We're all adopted into the same family. We all can only be completely sustained and filled with the Lord. We sang a song (in Creole and English) called, 'Hungry (Falling on my Knees)', an empowering song of waiting and hungering for God. Unity was truly shown when, as a congregation, we all cried out together, 'Merci Sove!', translated to, 'Thank you Savior!'. As one desperate people we cried out, a reminder that, though our material wants and needs often differ, our spiritual needs are forever the same. We are all only satisfied in Jesus Christ. Only He sustains.
While here, the Lord revealed to me so much, mostly having to do with all that I am unable to do but through the work of the Holy Spirit and only by depending on my Father is God able to do in me. The Lord reminded me of life lessons my soul had long forgotten. He (once again) broke down my pride and heart and reminded me what it is to love and be loved. As a weary sinning child saved by grace, my Dad is constantly having to bind my wandering heart to Him.
Saying bye to this beautiful nation is so difficult, but I pray I'll be back. I believe I will. My heart forever has a piece in Haiti, and I have decided to invest in Mission of Hope when I can and as much as I can.
(Added after departing plane and reflecting on today's events):
Returning to the states feels all weird, for lack of a better term. I feel like an alien to the world that has too recently felt familiar, especially regarding material possessions. I'd already been cleaning out my closet before my trip, and now the need to do so presses even more onto my heart. It's the same way I felt when returning from Africa a few years ago. Often while observing the bustle of the society around me I wonder why seemingly everyone around me is fretting about meaningless 'issues' and complaining of various circumstances when they don't know just how good they truly have it. Not to bag on anyone or to declare all possessions as inherently evil, but as for myself, I have been reminded of bigger questions than the ones I often inquire on a daily basis. Instead of tearing my hair out and screaming, 'How can this world serve me?!', the Lord convicts my anxious heart to settle and gently say, 'How can I serve the world?'. In the place of, 'I want more', I find, 'I need less'. I wonder what our world would be if more of us explored out of our comfort zone and looked at the world in someone else's shoes. How would our perspectives change if we daily studied the Father's heart? The more I look at the world's needs, the more I realize so many of us are blessed people with the potential to give, including myself most certainly. I love traveling, my soul thrives on cultural interactions, and my feet yearn to wander, but all of these for the reasons of being humbled and reminded that I am made to serve. It's incredibly challenging to justify wanting excess of fill-in-the-blank when the majority of the world goes without simple necessities, and I am able to do something about it.
So why do I so often choose not to?
Imagine a massive group of people from different cultures singing this at the top of their lungs in two different languages-with one same Spirit, to one same God, with one same purpose.
