Anyway, it's important to remember that at the end of the day, Feburary 14 is just another day fluffed up by the media, and on February 15 you should love the people around you just as much as you outwardly expressed on the day previously. It's easy to get wrapped up in the commercialism of it all, but as with every other designated holiday, happiness doesn't come from a store (happiness, perhaps, means a little bit more...). Thank you Dr. Seuss.
Gifts are kind, indeed a product of a love language, and chocolate is one of my favorite things in this world (and I actually received some today so you know I'm not hating on it), but we need to remember that the good things that God has for us are more exciting than a dozen roses and a box of chocolates combined.
Gifts are kind, indeed a product of a love language, and chocolate is one of my favorite things in this world (and I actually received some today so you know I'm not hating on it), but we need to remember that the good things that God has for us are more exciting than a dozen roses and a box of chocolates combined.
There's much that could be said about Valentines Day, and many have already expressed their views on certain aspects of it. Check out some of my favorites:
Chocolates and Commas by Kevin Bain
Thoughts on Hope and Valentines Day by Ruthie Dean
Love is Cross Cultural by Christena Cleveland
Three Things to Do on Valentines Day by Fabs Harford
All of those posts are beautiful and inspiring, and all of them contain truth that we all need to be reminded of sometimes, so click on the links, soak in the words, and glean from them, for words, especially those of other people, are restorative and healing, powerful in the best way.
My words for you today are not about consumerism or romance, marriage or relationships, strictly speaking. My words for you today are going to dance around, dance hand in hand with really, the one topic that no one wants to talk about on February 14: singleness.
Our world today has attached a negative connotation with this word and with the concept that it revolves around. With the word 'single' also comes words such as the following: 'lonely', 'unloved', and my least favorite, 'discontent'. If you know me well, then you know that it takes a lot to unsettle me. This sad truth, however, this truth that singleness has become a concept in our society to fear rather than embrace, unsettles my soul more than I can begin to explain, because what this means is that singleness is one area in which we do not trust God to work for His glory and for our good.
Instead of viewing singleness as a curse, what if we could learn to see it as a blessing? I pray this for my generation every day, because as college students we contain so much potential to spread the love of Jesus already, and the thought of how much more we could live out the kingdom as single, on-fire-for-freedom souls excites me an incredible amount.
Not that being in a relationship is evil. On the contrary, relationships are beautiful. They are good and lovely and blessings of their own. Relationships, however, are not where our identities are meant to be found, and I wish sometimes that as people and even more so as Christians we would stop striving for romantic relationships as if they were our very source of oxygen.
Because if I'm understanding Jesus correctly, He has called me to be a servant-not a wife.
As a single individual one has endless benefits in regards to the kingdom. One has more time to give to discipleship, more freedom to serve in unique ways, and a special circumstance to bring to the table in which God's kingdom is allowed to work and move. If you're single on this Valentines Day, do not disgrace God by moping in discontentment and leaning into the side of mistrust. Instead, trust that God can use your situation, whatever it may be, for your good, the good of those around you, and His glory. Singleness is a gift, a blessing in itself.
Additionally, when we fall into the rut of trying to satisfy ourselves with another person, then we end up acting selfishly rather than selflessly, because in trying to fill ourselves up we end up merely using another person, and oftentimes we will go to drastic measures to be in a relationship, often compromising, acting out of impatience, or simply using manipulation to get what we want for ourselves.
It's also good to remember that none of us are deserving to be in relationships. People are blessings- God allows us to fellowship with one another just because He loves us, not because we deserve each other. We are gifts to each other, and we need to remember this. It helps us to cherish one another.
When we understand this, that we don't deserve relationships, then we leave the mindset of constantly waiting around for God to 'bring the One' into our lives. We need to be content because that is what God wants and because it glorifies Him-not because once we reach contentment we will then gain what we want.
Let's make much of Jesus simply to make much of Jesus. Period.
This applies to every area of our lives, not just the area of relationships.
Don't hear me downplaying relationships or putting singleness on a pedestal. We can idolize both singleness and relationships, a sickness within us to most certainly avoid. Within these words I hope you can glean this encouragement: singleness is not where our identities are to be found.
Being in a relationship is a unique circumstance of it's own. The kingdom can be brought with two people in a way that it cannot be brought by one person on his or her own.
Our identities are not found in either singleness or relationships. Each of us is called to be a servant first and foremost, and being single or being in a relationship is merely the form in which servanthood takes.
Seeing ourselves as sons and daughters of the King of Glory, as redeemed Children of Light, being slaves to righteousness and servants of men and of God because 'He first loved us'-this is where our identities are found.
When we grasp this, perhaps we will finally be able to grasp the meaning behind 2 Corinthians 12:9 in which the Word reads:
'Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong'.I understand that Paul is describing physical weakness and persecution the likes of which most of us can not and probably will not ever be able to experience or fully comprehend. In his most cumbersome times, the Lord's sustaining grace is all that was able to satisfy him. In context, the situation relates not to relationships or singleness. Conceptually though I think we can make parallels, because like Paul, we struggle. We experience hardships and tribulation, and we all have times in which we need God's Spirit to captivate our souls with His sufficient grace, because it is all that will satisfy.
If you're single, know that another person will never satisfy the deep longings of your heart (and neither will that tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream).
If you're taken, know that you may need to pray for discontentment, which sounds really weird but hear me out: our hearts, which the scriptures tell us are deceitful in and of themselves, are far too easily satisfied. We should want so much more out of this life than dates, roses, and boxes of chocolates. If another person satisfies you one hundred percent, then you may need to make room for the all-sufficient grace of God.
C.S. Lewis puts it well:
“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”While traveling through this life some of us will enter into relationships. Some of us will bring justice to the darkest parts of the world and others of us will help to set captives free. Many of us will disciple other people and most of us will have deep, real, raw friendships that grow us and teach us about Jesus. We glean so much from these happenings, and I think we are supposed to. However, if we are content with our lives, then something is off, because deep down, inside our souls at the most vulnerable and longing parts, there should be a place that nothing in this world can satisfy. Our greatest yearnings are meant to be filled by the only One who is strong enough to satisfy our needs.
We need to pray for vision, vision to see what God is doing in our lives and in the world around us rather than what we want Him to be doing. His love is evident, all around, and He has asked us to be a part of it.
His love is overwhelming, and He loves to lavish it upon His children.
Whether your single or taken today, look to the cross and be reminded of His sufficient grace. Know that God, the One who made the human heart, is the only One who can satisfy it, for He has made it for Him and Him alone.
'God give us vision to see things like you do'.
