Words regarding words, from people who use them well:
It Shouldn't Have Worked, but It Did from Sarah Bessey over at A Deeper Story
Five Words from Lexie Craft at To Write Love on Her Arms
When Strengths & Weaknesses Are the Same from the blog of Nika Maples
I'm learning day by day how to use my words and use them well; it's not an easy lesson to learn. It is, however, absolutely beautiful.
To learn to articulate exactly what you want to say.
To know exactly when you want to say it.
To have the wisdom to use your voice well.
To have the heart to relay your words gracefully.
Being graceful is not something that comes naturally; it takes work and effort and all sorts of stretching. I am becoming better at it though, I think, and last night I wrote a bit of my improvement down for you (or maybe more for myself) over at my new blog, currently under construction. Once Graduate School hits in about a year I want a new space to write in, a fresh, blank canvas to throw paint and messiness and all the hard questions at. As always, you are invited to join and sit with me in the midst of the words and questions and seeking of truth.
Anyway, here's what I wrote last night. I hope it encourages you or speaks to you in some way:
***
When We Took Advice from Beer Bottle Caps
Some days I'm composed, but most days, like all of us, I'm barely making it through, my life a messy compilation of ups and downs and tears and smiles, all held together by grace and lots of laughter. Some moments are better than others, that's for damn sure. Usually you can find me on Chaotic Road, walking hand in hand with angst and ranting about just how very loud the patriarchy is on that particular day. I'm convinced that sarcasm is a love language, and with a world so upside down and oppressive (according to yours truly, because I'm of course always right), I believe laughter must be the best medicine. It certainly has been my best coping device.
Sometimes, I rant in response to what I see around me. I don't believe that God is offended by my rants or my swears, because what God wants is authenticity. However, I cannot pretend that beauty is not found in grace, that a lovely spirit is not somehow captured in the picture of a gentle heart that produces merciful actions. I want to be like that.
I'm learning to be like that.
Not because I am a woman and it's my place to be gentle or submissive, but because it takes bravery to be graceful, to respond in love when all you want to do is rant and swear and shake your fist furiously. It takes bravery to be tender-hearted, to have compassion and mercy and all things love. If bravery is what it takes, then bravery is what I want.
Jesus was brave, and I think he'd want me to be too.
Once a friend asked me what I was most afraid of in life, and the response came easily: I'm afraid of living a life that isn't brave. I want to live bravely, because living in love means living a brave life, and I want so badly to live in love.
Every word, every thought, every action: let love be my guide, great God.
When sexism is hurting us all, let love be my guide.
When racism is dividing us hard, let love be my guide.
When oppression is real and inequality is everywhere, when the hurting need help and the weary need rest, when hellbent hearts are screaming and gnashing their teeth, let love be my guide.
Let not my soul be cynical, because sarcasm is one thing but cynicism is another game. Sarcasm will leave you laughing; cynicism will leave you bitter.
Let not my insides turn to stone, but instead keep me soft and weepy and tender all the time.
Some days I am livid, absolutely pissed, because someone's being stupid or someone else is being harmful or nobody seems to understand what it feels like to be demeaned and degraded to the skin on your bones, to be looked down on because you are a female. Some days I feel confined by society or damned by conservatives, and most days I want to talk real loud and convince everyone of everything that I put my faith and hope and trust in.
You probably understand what I mean, because we all think we're right. I think maybe if we all just shut up every once in awhile, learned to simply sit back and listen to stories and tales and opinions of other people, some of us might just grow a little bit. We might just learn something new.
Myself included.
Sarah Bessey puts it best over at A Deeper Story: "I'm a recovering know-it-all".
Aren't we all.
Maybe the best part of God is how disruptive He/She is. God is absolutely topsy-turvy; not a single table, house, soul, thought, or idea remains unchanged when God collides with it. I'm learning more about this day by day, but over time I've learned that the Spirit is constantly upsetting me, forever changing my heart and thoughts and preferences of all sorts.
God is daily teaching me that I know so little, and when knowledge falls short, as it always certainly does and will, there is only love left.
Love surpasses knowledge.
So when we don't know what to do, when we don't know what to say, we can be sure that we will always be able to love, because of the One who has first loved us.
When we feel justified and flustered and righteous in our anger, let us be brave enough to love.
When we are sad and overwhelmed and perhaps even are the ones being oppressed, let us be brave enough to love.
When we are right or wrong and whether we know it or we don't, let us be brave enough to love.
Let us discern when to stand up for injustice and when to speak out for freedom, but in all that we say and do, let us still love.
The other day I had a good beer, one of Portland's finest. I collect beer bottle caps, because why the hell not, and the other day I was fiddling with the cap of the beer I'd just had, and as I turned it over I saw a bit of encouragement, a bit of advice really, that was a long time comin'. Two little words: bravely done.
"Congrats, dear girl, you've truly gone and done it".
"You've made it this far, you've downed the whole entire thing".
"This beer's a strong one, but you've met it full force".
"Keep on going, keep on being strong, keep on being brave".
"Try the next one and the next one, there's a whole land of drinks to try, so take your time and find what there is to taste, discover what there is to explore".
Because some beers will sting. Some will leave a bitter taste in your mouth, and some will burn all the way down.
And it will be in those times, in those experiences and places and spaces and discussions, that you will need a strong dose, maybe several strong doses, of divinely inspired bravery. You will need to know how to love when you might not want to, but this of course is when loving matters most.
Sweet Jesus, let love be my everything, because love was, love is, your everything.
You help me to love, which means that you help me to be brave.
You make me brave.
