I am probably one of the most awkward people in the entire world. This may be an exaggeration, and obviously it's not likely I'd be able to test this, as there are over seven billion people on earth, but I always seem to be finding myself in some of the most embarrassing situations.
For example, a few weeks ago, as I was exiting one of the university buses, the doors closed on me. I literally was stuck between the doors. If that's not awkward, then I don't know what is. I coped with that one by assuring myself that my unfortunate situation most likely brought a bit of joy to someone's day, judging by the giggles from the other passengers.
This instance is one of many that has resulted in me putting my head in my hands and closing my eyes, because what else can you do? After twenty years of awkward happenings, I've learned to just laugh and move on, because really, my life could be worse, and besides that, I've learned that my confidence absolutely cannot be in myself. I can only have trust in the Lord, for He is where my identity is found.
The circumstances I've just described are fairly comical and honestly incredibly insignificant, but what about when we have awkward moments regarding relationships? How do we respond? As believers, we are called to love, and that's not always an easy feat. It's easy to love when other people respond to you. Maybe for you, it's the other way around. For me, I used to think it easier to love when someone else would be bold in initiation, so that I could respond, because that way I wouldn't have to be the one to step out of my comfort zone first. Oftentimes it feels more comfortable to love the people you've known the longest, or the ones who you have everything in common with, or the ones who share your same beliefs.
There is a gargantuan issue with this mindset. This kind of love is not of the Lord. This sort of love has limits. It is conditional. Restricted.
Jesus doesn't love me only on Tuesdays. My Lord doesn't love me only when I am living how He has called me to. Jesus loves me when I'm messy. Jesus loves me when I'm bitter. When I'm joyful. When I'm mean. When I'm awkward. When I'm not. Jesus loves me unconditionally.
I think one way Satan attacks American society is through awkwardness and complacency, which, in my opinion, seem to go hand in hand. When someone is different from us in any way-regarding abilities, interests, looks, gender, age, even faith, or lack thereof-we let fear overtake us and it shows in our actions. Too often do we allow pride to build up in our hearts so that we aren't reaching out to other people. There are too many words left unsaid that have the potential to lift someone's spirits. There are too many actions left undone that have the potential to change someone's life. Sometimes we encounter people and we forget that they are people. We forget that we are all children of God. Jesus died for every single person. Oftentimes we don't love on people because we feel awkward in response to what someone said or didn't say, and we hide behind excuses like, 'We just don't have a lot in common' or 'I just don't know what to say because they're so awkward', but what is happening, really? Truthfully, we are placing our confidence in ourselves and not in God. Truthfully, we are allowing our lives to be ruled by fear instead of God's perfect love. A lot of times I'm afraid to step into a situation, whether that be to start a conversation, to pray over someone, to love on someone, and the list goes on and on. I think we all have moments of fear. It's grown me, to be sure, to have times such as these, and I think as time has gone on and the Lord has taught me how to handle them that perhaps it gets easier. Maybe it doesn't but that's what it seems like. I used to shy away from praying aloud, or praying over someone in need, but over time the Lord has grown that boldness and brought me to a completely different place in my faith regarding prayer. Recently, I was with someone who desperately needed prayer. You could see it in how anxiety creased her forehead and how sorrow filled her eyes. You could hear it in how broken her voice was. Immediately I felt compelled to wrap her in my arms and pray over her, and as I did, I felt how tense she was. Afraid. Prideful. Ashamed. Fearful. I prayed anyway. At first, she just sat there, and then, all at once, her body began to shake uncontrollably and she grabbed my arm as if the worst thing she could do in that moment would be to let go. As sobs escaped her lips and the tears streamed, I thanked the Lord for relationships. I thanked Him for community. I thanked Him for love. I thanked Him for allowing me to suffer through that moment with that person, because she needed someone to go through her struggles with her. She needed love, even if she didn't want to admit it at first. Other people are gifts from above that we so often take for granted. We so often pass up opportunities to love because we live in fear.
Jesus didn't. Jesus embraced situations in need of love. Jesus entered into-even started-some of the most awkward conversations that probably could've existed during his time. He spoke to prostitutes, He touched lepers, and He looked into the eyes of thieves. He overstepped social barriers and broke down the walls of pride and reached out to messed up people, all for the sake of love. Even when people spat in His face, crucified Him on a tree, and tried to bury Him in the grave, He loved. He loves.
The next time you fear awkwardness, don't. Take a moment. Pray. Depend on the Spirit. Stand confident in who you are-a child of the one true King. He has loved you. He loves you. He calls you by name and says you are His friend. He's given you His grace. You have all you need in Jesus. You have all you need.
Don't pass up an opportunity to love someone in the name of Jesus.
