Most days I don't want to be grown up. Some days I wish I could be five again, but then something will happen that reminds me just how beautiful adulthood is and I will find myself truly appreciating this progressive journey called life. There are so many lessons that I've learned, and as I find myself with one more year of my undergraduate I feel as if I am standing at the edge of a cliff, and when I take that next step I will either fly or fall.
But if I've learned anything over the years, it's the importance of realizing that I have wings.
I have felt this way many times before, back in middle school before I entered the ninth grade and then again the summer before I was a freshman in college. It's the realization that you are a baby bird, and just over the edge of the twigs and twine of the nest is the most terrifying, captivating, wonderful adventure that anyone could ever imagine.
Maybe you're finding yourself in a similar state, or maybe you have found yourself at such a point in the past. If you haven't, you will, I'm sure of it.
You mustn't be afraid, but instead spread those wings and fly. Take one big, courageous, fearless leap and explore that new world for yourself.
Or take small steps, whether the fear is there or not. Just don't be stagnant, because a step is a piece of progress, no matter how small.
Every day my life seems like a journey, one in which I am exploring what it means to love God and people well. Most days I get it wrong, but every now and then a puzzle piece will fit into its place, and I think God must be in those moments somehow, because they are redemption through and through. Today is my day off work, and I've been sitting in the cutest little coffee shop in Portland, Rain or Shine, just reading and watching the rain drizzle on and off. The dreary weather outside has made me come alive on the inside, because somehow the saddest sort of weather brings me to my absolute happiest.
I've always loved the rain.
Sitting in this coffee shop I've been thinking about how different I am right now in this moment than I was back when I was thirteen, or sixteen, or even nineteen. The lessons that I've learned over time, and over the past few years especially are hard to put into words, but I am ever thankful for them, and I want to record them now, either for myself or for you or for a future Lauren to look back on.
1. Ask Questions
God is big enough to handle them; no word or sentence or doubt or inquiry is past God's grasp, and even if you don't always find a clear cut answer, there is beauty in the struggle, and wrestling with the hard and messy realities of life will only grow you stronger. Many people will try to convince you of the stark contrast of life, teaching that it is black and white and absolutely explainable, but what I've found is that life contains a whole lot of gray, and this world and God and people and life are not as easily understood as we like to pretend. Live in the gray areas, for though they are hard, they are at least authentic. Rest content with the unknown, for though we often demand black and white answers, life is colorful and stormy and vast, and it's okay to make a home in the gray areas. Ask questions, live your way into answers, and trust the process.
2. Leave Room for Chaos
Stop striving for perfection; you will never find it. The stumbles and falls are natural and real, but what matters is when you keep on hoping, that you get back on your feet and try again, again, again. Admit your mistakes, and try to learn from them. When you talk about mess-ups, talk about your own, for none of us need condemnation, but all of us need grace. Be okay with the chaos, because it will come no matter how far you try to run from it. The dishes will not always be clean, the grades will not always be perfect, and sometimes the tears will fall. Don't beat yourself up when you forget that important fill-in-the-blank, and eat a damn hamburger every now and then, with bacon on top, (even if a vegetarian lifestyle is worlds better for your heart and arteries). The chaos is a part of life, but what matters is progression; perfection is only a facade. If at the end of this life your feet are a little dirty and your hair a tangled mess, then you've at least ran the risk of having a genuine and adventurous life.
3. Shut the Hell Up
I know you want to change the world, and maybe you really will. Most days, however, you will only be one person with limited resources, endless ideas, and an overly passionate heart. There will be moments for speaking up, and I hope you grasp those and hold on tight. I hope you find your voice and stand your ground and speak God's truth, loud and clear. I hope you fight for the weak ones in this world and shout loud for freedom to break hellish chains and tear down walls, but more than any of this I hope that you master one beautiful, important, humanizing task: sit back and listen. More than anything this is what we as people need: someone to simply listen to us tell our stories. We need someone to hear us out. We need others to validate our experiences, to hear our hurt and to nod in understanding. We need someone to grasp our hands in agreement, as if to say "I hear you, and I am standing with you strong". We all want our voices to be heard, we all want to be right, and many of us want to do big, important, world-changing things, but sometimes the most pivotal of moments happen in the quietest of ways. Sometimes we need to speak, but sometimes we need to just listen.
4. Celebrate You, Every Single Inch
There is enough body shaming, self degradation, and insecurity in the world today; we don't need anymore of it. Do not believe the lies of the world, because in the kingdom of God you are a new creation, and you are made for good works. You are a beautiful masterpiece, and you are worth celebrating. Your body is yours and yours alone; you do not owe any of it to anyone. Your body does not define you, because only character can do that, so when your tummy is a little soft or your skin is a little stretchy after having a baby or not finding time to work out every day, have a little grace on yourself. This life is hard most days, and we should all be a little gentler on ourselves, because I think we are trying really hard. Be you, and be you bravely, because confidence exudes actions of love but shame only produces people of fear. You are a whole person all on your own; another person does not define or complete you. I hope you find someone to love if loving another person is what you desire, because romance is one of the magical aspects of this world, but if you don't, or if you choose not to, that's more than alright- that is beautiful and awesome and glorious too. You have your own sort of potential. You are a person that is loved by God, and that's cool enough on its own.
5. Arm Yourself With Coffee and Journey On
Of course it's scary, but that's part of the beauty of what it means to trust God and the process. Growing up and experiencing change intimidates me more than I can explain, but you can never learn to swim until you journey into uncharted waters. New experiences are difficult to embrace, but mine have been filled with beauty unexplainable. There have been mountains, valleys, storms, and sunshine. I have met people who can make me cry from laughing so hard and people that drive me absolutely nuts. I've had rough patches and smooth times, and I think that's how it's supposed to be. Our lives are marvelous novels, and we will laugh through some chapters and weep through others. Our lives are really just fantastic stories, and I've found that a big God, authentic people, and good coffee makes them stories worth living.
Through hell or high water, whether rain or shine, I hope you are brave with your life. In this, in finding courage in any and all spaces, I think we grow up and become how we are meant to truly be.
