Tonight I fell in love with Jesus. I'm not sure if I should say that my love was renewed, that I fell in love with Jesus again, or if I should say that my love deepened for my Savior, but the point is that it happened and I needed it.
We all need it, reminders of our first love as a dear friend of mine describes this sort of experience.
He became my first love awhile ago, but throughout my life I am reminded of why.
Valentines Day is quickly approaching, but I'm not speaking of romantic love.
Mother's Day is not far off and is followed by Father's Day, but I am speaking of familial love.
The love I have for Jesus is not comparable to the love I have for any of my friends, the love I have for my welsh-pembroke corgi, or even the 'love' I have for white chocolate raspberry truffles (yes, it is love).
The love that Christ compels me to experience is far greater than any of these loves, and quite honestly I don't think I can put it into words. God's very nature is such, and the more I know Him, the more I realize this: words cannot confine Him. Mere human descriptions do not bring Him justice, do not portray His splendor, His majesty, His overwhelming goodness.
His love is experiential.
One step further: it is unconditional, called in ye old biblical Greek language 'agape' (#biblicaltextmajor).
Agape love is the one love that holds all of the others together, for it is a choice, an intentional sort of love that weaves it's workings through the lives of everyday, messy, broken, undeserving people.
It is divine, for it is of God. It is God.
God is far more personal than we often make Him, than I often make Him. He doesn't want to merely be read or spoken about. God wants to be experienced, wants to be engaged with, wants to be known.
God wants to know us, wants to be known by us.
I love studying the Scriptures, and indeed my purpose for being in school is to further my knowledge of the Bible, to pour over the words of past theologians (for that is what the biblical writers are), to let the words affect me, and to take that knowledge and share it with others. It's what I want to do, what I am passionate about, what I believe God has led me to do.
Knowledge is beneficial, especially knowledge of the Scriptures, for when we grow in our knowledge of them we grow in our knowledge of Jesus, which then leads us to a knowledge of love.
However, such knowledge is meaningless without being put into practice. Love isn't love simply by being read about. Love is love when it is lived out.
When humans live love, God's kingdom collides with earth, and all of a sudden the spiritual realm of goodness becomes real in a world that otherwise would be a fallen, flesh-filled hell seemingly devoid of a life-giving Presence.
Sometimes I read about Jesus and the tears flow, because I don't have to watch Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ to grasp the cumbersome weight of the crucifixion. Merely reading the words off the ancient pages teaches me that I will never be able to fully grasp the Gospel message, that I will never be able to understand the depth of what God has done. Other times I read about Jesus and compassion overwhelms me, and all I can do is sit and ask God to make me like that, to make me like Jesus.
Reading about God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the mysterious yet attractive Holy Spirit is pretty cool, and it benefits me greatly and is important for my spiritual walk. However, God reveals Himself to me in other ways. God reveals His love, His Presence, and His characteristics in the workings of everyday life, because even though reading about Him is cool, experiencing Him and His love is even better.
'To speak of being near to or far from God is to use language in a sense always understood when applied to our ordinary human relationships. A man may say, "I feel that my son is coming nearer to me as he gets older," and yet that son has lived by his father's side since he was born and has never been away from home more than a day or so in his entire life. What then can the father mean? Obviously he is speaking of experience. He means that the boy is coming to know him more intimately and with deeper understanding, that the barriers of thought and feeling between the two are disappearing, that father and son are becoming more closely united in mind and heart'.
Tozer, A. W. (Aiden Wilson) (2011-03-24). The Pursuit of God (pp. 58-59).
I value these words from A.W. Tozer in his book The Pursuit of God (a refreshing read) because he accurately portrays this idea, or a glimpse of it at least, of a relational God interacting with His beloved humans. Too often I read the Bible or I complete my ministry-related homework and in the end realize that I am no closer to the heart of God, to the actual experience of God and of love, than when I first began the reading or assignment.
Living this life with an intentional mindset and an open heart to a relational God is when I find my surroundings kingdom-filled, when I find myself closer to the heart of the Father.
Theology is readable, while love is experiential. The Christ-follower is called to more than mere theology. The Christ-follower is called to abide in the Father (John 15), to live by the Spirit (Galatians 5), and to follow in Jesus' steps (1 Peter 2).
Tonight I fell in love with Jesus because I saw someone be Jesus-or perhaps I saw Jesus working through someone, however you want to phrase it.
What I saw was this: one person extending grace to another.
It's happenings such as this that reaffirm the Faith at times for me, because love displayed is love made true. The best evidence we've got of the love of Jesus Christ is the fact that our very lives are able to experience it.
Maybe that's one reason why God is tangible Presence, why the Presence filled the Holy of Holies, why Jesus had to become literal flesh, and why the Spirit lives and moves in believers now: because love incarnate is credible love.
A mere exchange of divine grace happened before me, not to me, but just before me, just two customers in the bookstore I work at being Jesus to one another. The situation didn't even directly involve me, but the entire love-exchange broke me down inside, because I was reminded of grace.
Grace brings me to my knees, which humbly turns my gaze toward God, because I am reminded that I've been given grace upon grace by a Savior who loves, intercedes, overwhelms, restores, heals, and much else.
As the Father encompassed me in that moment and the Spirit urged me on inwardly with revelations of light, the love of Jesus was displayed before my very eyes, and all of a sudden my love for Him deepened.
I think this is part of what it means to be relationally in communion with God. It means many things, but perhaps one small yet significant part is that, as any human relationship so appropriately parallels, the more we experience Christ and the more we know Him, the more we love Him.
My previous pastor from College Station wrote a blog post about His wife, and the gist is that, though He loved her very much in the early stages of their relationship, over time his knowledge of her grew, and as his knowledge of her grew, so did his love for her (check it: You'll Love Her Even More).
The same is true with my relationship with God. The more I know Him, the more I love Him, and even further it should be said that the more I know Him, the more I desire to know and love Him even more deeply.
Many of you know what I am describing, because His love has captured your heart too. For those that don't, I pray that you do so soon. I hope you can taste and see that the Lord is good.
He is waiting, arms and heart wide open, His nature and every part displayed for all of creation to engage with, to enjoy.
I can't put it into words, what experiencing God is like, because His love is truly indescribable. All I can say is that God did not, He does not, intend for us to merely read about love. The calling of a Christian is to live out His love, to experience it full-force.
In this, it seems, we become more aware of Your Presence.
