Try as I might, today was not going my way. All day I was mentally singing this song as a reminder for my soul:
Despite getting adequate hours of sleep last night, I slept through the three alarms that I set, waking up sixteen minutes before my 8:00 a.m. class was to begin. The following internal debate took place:
Despite getting adequate hours of sleep last night, I slept through the three alarms that I set, waking up sixteen minutes before my 8:00 a.m. class was to begin. The following internal debate took place:
My class starts in sixteen minutes, we don't have a quiz, and we don't have any assignments due. I could honestly go back to sleep and not miss out on anything at all.
Except for that teensy-tiny little detail of my professor being awesome at what he does.
So, because I love my Old Testament class and enjoy learning from Dr. Pemberton too much to miss even one day, I jumped out of bed, threw my frazzled hair into a ponytail, and ran out the door. I didn't even brush my teeth (#yum).
In a timely manner, I fell down the stone steps right outside my door.
In a timely manner, I fell down the stone steps right outside my door.
I struggled through being mentally present for the duration of that class and one more following it and headed back to my apartment to swap out my books in my backpack for the remainder of the day's classes. I'd been inside my apartment for ten minutes when I realized I'd misplaced my phone. After removing everything from my backpack, turning my sheets inside out, and searching every room high and low, I found my phone-in my backpack.
I decided to pack a salad so I could get my study on for the next two hours before my afternoon classes, and as I was dicing a tomato, I accidentally diced a bit of my finger.
That was when I decided that today had a mind of it's own: Monday and I were at war.
Choose joy, I told myself, because that's what it is: a choice.
For the next two hours I attempted to study Greek, a task that I normally enjoy and accomplish with ease, but with my mind being all over the place, enjoyable is hardly what I would've called it. For some reason I kept thinking, because I was having a hard time retaining what we were learning, that I would fail the quiz, which would lead me to failing the class, which would then lead to me somehow not being able to graduate, which would then hinder me from being accepted into graduate school. Can we say 'anxiety issues?' You might not understand this domino thought process, but that's how my brain works. It's both a blessing and curse. After having a mini-nervous breakdown in response to the chaos the day had brought so far, the Lord worked a wonder and calmed my anxious heart, reminding me to mentally pull myself together, because even if it was going to be bad day, it could never be a bad life-because of Jesus and the hope He brings.
My Greek quiz wasn't nearly as bad as I'd expected, though it still drained me, and then I had a meeting in which I was nearly late for. Then came one more class-the final battle between me and Monday. We fought long and hard, Monday and I, but I made it through alive and collapsed on my bed after it was all over, exhausted and overwhelmed. I'd never had a day begin as a battle from the moment I woke up.
Here's a Monday truth: some days are going to be a struggle. That's just life.
What matters is how we respond.
One of my favorite books of the bible is James, because even though the author's words may be cutting and deep, every word is full of truth and encouragement. Read the first few verses:
'James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
To the twelve tribes scattered among the nations;
Greetings.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of various kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish it's work in you so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, then you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you'.The word 'consider' is a call to make a mental choice. Though happy feelings may be a result of joy, they are not the basis for it. Joy is not based on a mere feeling. James isn't encouraging believers to have a fake attitude, putting up a facade that everything is great when it isn't. He isn't telling us we should be masochistic and somehow enjoy the pain, either. He is telling us to find God in the midst of our trials. Joy is a choice based on what we as Christians know to be true.
What do we know to be true?
We know that the testing of our faith produces perseverance. Our trials contain potential locked up inside them, and each and every tribulation can teach us something, if only we allow it to. When we allow our trials to teach us, then we gain wisdom and understanding of the world and how to navigate it. We are made stronger. There is no trial that lacks potential for growth.
So even when Mondays live up to their stereotype, even when I cut my finger while dicing vegetables, and even when I sleep through three alarms and wake up right before my class is starting, there is reason to choose joy. When all we see are schemes of hell, we must decide to walk by faith-not by sight.
Today kind of sucked. I won't lie. I am thankful, however, for the person of Jesus Christ, encouraging truth from the book of James, and for the potential locked up inside each and every trying day that allows me to grow as a person and child of the Promise-a Promise of hope, joy, and unconditional love that comes down from the Father of Heavenly lights.
On an ending note, I want to allude to a bit of change. I am changing-as a person, as a scholar, and as a Christian. My insight of the Bible and of God is evolving in deep and glorious ways, and as I'm growing up I'm finding that with each passing day I feel less and less like a kid and more and more like an adult. It's strange to think that I'll be applying for graduate school in the not-so-far off future, and a lot of other changes are taking place soon as well. Anyway, I'm considering paralleling my blog to my life in regards to change. I currently have a few series in session and plan on finishing those out, but whenever those are completed I may be making some changes to the good 'ol blog. I'm not completely sure what all this will look like yet, and nothing will be altered within too soon a time frame, but I'm considering creating a new outlet-perhaps a new type of blog-that is more updated with my current stage of life. A dream of mine that is currently forming is to, somewhere down the line, create some sort of resource/s that allow college students access to deepening their knowledge of the Gospel. As I'm growing in my knowledge of God and theology, it is more and more on my heart each day to share such knowledge with other people-college students in particular. My blog may reflect this in the future, or it may take some other form. We shall see.
Anyway, stay posted-and stay classy, San Diego.
