Additionally, these hierarchies are robbing men of their humanity. Men are multi-dimensional. They have emotions, thoughts, and gifts just like women. Men can be brave, but so can women. One sex is not meant to be "defenders" or "protectors" of another; we are all inherently worth respecting, on our own. When we say men are meant to be defenders, we are implying that women are in need of saving and unable to stand for themselves, for ourselves. The world indeed hurts women all around the world every day. The solution, however, is to teach all people to respect each other and to empower women to be brave; not to keep enforcing violence against women by instating that men need to save them.
We aren't passive or weak or lesser. All of us, men and women alike, are beautifully human, and we are all beautifully brave.
Women, like men, are often compartmentalized in the Church. Certain characteristics are reserved only for females, such as being emotional, dependent, passive, sensitive, weak, and sometimes even flirtatious (though not primarily sexual in nature). Women are thought of as God-ordained nurturers and caretakers, oftentimes encouraged to take roles that involve children or homely tasks such as cooking or cleaning.
The problem is not primarily that women are described in such ways, though labels are rough and constricting and all sorts of harmful. Some women fit the molds described as feminine. However, not all women do; in fact, many men identify with such gender characteristics labeled feminine, and this is not bad or wrong or morally messed up. The problem lies then in confining any person to a box, whether it be forcing a woman to be a certain way when she isn't or prohibiting a man to be a certain way when he is (and of course, vice versa).
Every human being has some sort of biological sex by which he or she can identify. Separately and additionally, every human being has a unique personality, and each personality is made up of varying characteristics and expressions of self. This expression of self are called gender, and gender is hardly as binary and simple as we make it out to be. This is what makes humans beautiful: that we are all colorfully diverse, both on the inside and the outside. We are all human, and we are all made of skin and cells and sexuality. We are also made up of substance, and this sort of stuff cannot be crammed into generalized boxes labeled "masculine" or "feminine". Women and men are both emotional. Women and men are both sexual in nature (and we are all in control of our thoughts and actions). Women and men are equally complex and unique and absolutely amazing, because we all, men and women alike, are human.
We say that women are meant to be nurturers, but isn't this insulting to men? Can men not be caring and kind, loving to children and nurturing in spirit? We say that men are destined to be defenders and protectors, hard and calloused and firm in stance, but isn't this insulting to women? Are women not able to be brave and strong and stand for themselves, for ourselves? Placing women in a passive position is only enforcing domestic violence and instating the violence that men inflict upon women each day, and this is not in any way okay.
Rape, abuse, forced anything, body shaming, slut-shaming, all of these and more are only enforced when we say men are dominant figures who can't control their sexual urges. This is dehumanizing. This is only hardening hearts, both men and women alike.
And why let ourselves be calloused? Let's all be brave and strong, owning who we are as individuals and holding our own ground, maybe even standing with each other too but let's all be soft and weepy and tender in the same breath.
There have been multiple times that I have sat in a church context and felt beyond out of place because of gender stereotyping and teachings of "biblical man and womanhood". It's intriguing to me, because at the end of the day, are we each really called to be different in character and personality based upon our biological anatomy?
Or are we all simply called to be like Christ?
Perhaps we are all meant to be brave. Perhaps we each, every single one, can be strong. Perhaps we are all called to be gentle in spirit and humble in heart, and I think all of us, regardless of sex, are called to take part in the great adventure of love. We are meant to strive for peace and hope and all things light. These are our callings. These are our purposes.
Female fiction runs rampant throughout church teachings. Sadly, places outside of the Church hardly do much better most days. If women are told constantly to cover up within the Church, to look and talk and act within a certain "feminine" mold, then outside the Church walls not much better is being promoted. Women are paraded around and placed upon pedestals, all for the pleasure of men and simply to be stared and goggled at. Women are constantly being sexualized, objectified and degraded down to the skin on our bones.
In the Church, women's bodies are shamed.
Everywhere else, women's bodies are taken advantage of.
Our personalities are thwarted.
Our callings are invalidated.
Because we are women.
It's no wonder peace and positive body image are such hard places to arrive at.
Labels and identities are coming at women from all angles, the screaming loud and tiresome and ringing in our ears.
Hear me out, love: you are more than the skin on your bones.
It's disheartening that, in various aspects of this life women are defined by bodies. We are too much or not enough and most days I just want to shout it out: a body does not define me.
My body is mine, and it is beautiful absolutely. However, a body is not who I am; a body is what I have. Who I am is composed of a deeper sort of substance. What makes me up is character and soul stuff and, like us all, I imagine, a sweet, redemptive story of struggle.
Today, don't believe the fiction about females. You, whoever you are, wherever you are: you are uniquely your own. You are loved. You are loved.
Most of us don't believe that truth on a daily basis. In a world in which bodies are so demonized, generalized, compartmentalized, and every other ized in the history of forever, it makes perfect sense that we would see ourselves and other people through a lens of dehumanization.
Look in that mirror, sweet thing.
You are beautiful. Feel your face, let the bones and the structure meet your tender, shaking fingers. Those lips are yours, those eyes belong to you and you alone. Your being is somewhere in there, so when they look at you, meet them with a gaze straight on.
My body once, for just a short while, was terrifying to me in all aspects. People told me I couldn't wear this or that, and the magazines held me to a standard that I could never seem to reach. To be honest I don't remember every step of the path that changed my view of body image from negative to positive, but I'm sure it involved brave women wearing bikinis and honest friends telling it to me straight: you are made in God's image, and that means you're worth something because of your insides; don't let your body define you.
My abilities, my calling, my worth and gifts and strengths: all are wrapped up in my character and the person that God has asked me to be. Some of the best women I know preach it better than all the guys, and when it comes to being mothers and teachers and sisters and friends: the women in my life have shown me how to do it.
They are still showing me how to do it.
And the men are too.
This is who we are: real, hard, messy, fleshy people doing grand things and doing awful things but trying to do it better because redemption is what we are made for.
These lives aren't fiction. These redemption lives, these lives we are living as wholesome people, are real and what we are made for. We are male and female and everywhere in between whatever exactly those labels mean. We are human, and we are made in the image of God.
Made to love and be loved.
